I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
