i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
