I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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