maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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