God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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