My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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