did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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