she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
