question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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