You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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