Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
