Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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