He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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