I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
