I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize