i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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