youre lurking in front of me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
