I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
