i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
