things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
