it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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