Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
