I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
