the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wear drunk well.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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