Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
