Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
