girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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