He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
