TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
