Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
