I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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