you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
