mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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