Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
