omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
