I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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