Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
