I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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