hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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