Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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