when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
