I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
