It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
