I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
