You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
