I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
