Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
