that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
