Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
