Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
