Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize