I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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