so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize