Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
