I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
