So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize