It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
