grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
