This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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