Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize