I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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