And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
