OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
