my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
