Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
