Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize