Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's always time for handjobs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
