i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
