I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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