mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
