It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
