Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
