He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
