All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
