I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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