You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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