ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize