that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
