I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
