I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
