a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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