i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
