people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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