This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize