you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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