I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
