I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
