was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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