Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
