Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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